The Seduction of Success

It’s 3 A.M., and no lights are on except for the one coming out of the fridge. The hazy yellow gleams over you as you stuff your face full of leftovers and painstakingly finish an essay.

You were so caught up in classes, clubs, and worrying about your future career that you forgot to eat - and forgot about that one important paper.

Your overheating computer warms your lap and sounds like a helicopter preparing to take off. The fridge starts to make that annoying beeping noise when the door is left open too long, and the frosty air begins breaking your concentration. You remember that you have a test in a few days. Oh, and that internship interview is next week. So is that big club event, and the list keeps going on and on.

How does everyone do it? Most importantly, how do they make it look so easy? The good grades, involvement in about 20 student organizations, and impressive LinkedIn profiles are enough to make anyone think they are not doing college right. So, you start to add one more class to your course load. Or, maybe, join two more clubs. Or even apply for three internships until you get here: drowning in a deep sea of responsibility.

It all happened so quickly that you did not even realize it. You started small, but as you noticed your peers doing more than you, you suddenly felt the need to do more to be at the same pace or farther. This alluring attitude of “just one more thing” is to blame. While you would never admit it, that feeling of being better than your peers had you hooked. It started so easy and so fulfilling until you began to feel the weight of your obligations.

No matter how hard you try, your best is never good enough.

Why do we treat ourselves this way? Why do we strive for success at our own expense? Do we actually want this, or do we just want to be better than someone else? While this process can be confusing and full of self-loathing, being self-aware can help you answer these questions.

First off, the idea of the American dream is instilled in all of us from a young age. I am sure people are familiar with the whole “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” type of thing most of us now roll our eyes at. As Americans, we are told that you can achieve anything if you just work hard enough. While this mindset has largely been described as inspiring, it also places a tremendous amount of pressure on achieving success.

This mindset can make us feel like we are doing something wrong if we fail, as it emphasizes that hard work equates to success. Failure can make us feel like we are lazy by not putting in enough effort, but that is not always the case. The fantasy of the American dream is so deeply embedded in our culture that it leaves us with little sympathy for those who do not conform to it.

Next, most people simply want to be seen as well-off. While I am sure many of us would never admit it, there is something guiltily exhilarating about making other people envious of our position. The looks on people’s faces when they realize they scored lower on that test than you or how they react when they learn that you received that coveted job offer out of dozens of applicants.

This feeling can be so powerful that we reach a place where we would do anything to preserve it, even if that means overworking ourselves to an unhealthy point. This mindset can be dangerous, as we start to do things only for the reactions of others. Dwelling on this leads to a life of discontentment as we lose sight of what we are truly passionate about.

While it can be intimidating, failure is often described as the best teacher. Analyzing moments when things did not go well can help prepare us for the future. It can also help us discover what we enjoyed about an experience and what we did not. So, if failure is a healthy part of achieving success, how can we learn to be okay with it?

Growing up is more about unlearning things rather than learning. So many aspects of life teach us that failure is bad and we should avoid it at all costs. In reality, failure is common, and many successful people have had their fair share of setbacks. To move forward positively, we need to ditch the idea that failure means we will never reach our goals; instead, it means we are closer.

People who have never struggled with anything are so boring! Failure builds character and strengthens us for the future. Experiencing mishaps provides many valuable opportunities for growth and reflection, which make things easier later on. Think about it this way: if you failed something before, you are far better equipped to come back stronger than someone who does not have much experience with it.

Additionally, remember that you are only working for yourself, not others. While everyone has their opinions, the only one that matters is your own. Comparing your journey to others can be a destructive and distracting way of life.

The next time you complete work under the fridge light, just remember that you are not automatically doomed never to be successful. Instead, congratulate yourself on becoming one step closer to where you want to be.