Reconciling Mistakes With Our Humanity

Mistakes; diamonds in roaring fires.

Like them, I endlessly burn to “purify” myself,

And avoid painfully realizing—

I will never be perfect,

Only real.

As we embark on journeys of self-discovery during young adulthood, we are constantly experiencing trial and empowerment to arrive at new revelations of our beliefs. Our increased introspection makes us keen observers of how the world perceives our evolution, and how we pride ourselves on the core values that society has made favorable. However, in the pursuit to “maximize our potential” and become the “best version of ourselves,” we are inevitably faced with the vulnerabilities of our humanity, and make mistakes even when we strive for perfection. Our shortcomings may painfully remind us of our duality—the inauthentic self that measures self worth by unattainable perfection, and the real self that cannot accept or validate making inevitable mistakes.

How can we feel empowered by our humanity instead of limited by its reminders of our flaws? Similar to the importance we give to accomplishments, how must we equally account for mistakes when yearning to "maximize our potential" and avail them as opportunities to feel more humane? Just as we feel reborn by connecting with someone—reminded of our innate disposition to love—is it not possible to feel awakened by our nature's capacity to hurt others and ourselves? Contemplating these questions motivates us to lift our mind's veil—sewn from personal and societal expectations—and detach ego from our mistakes. Doing so strengthens our humility and compassion as we realize how no one in humankind is the exception to imperfection. Ultimately, personal growth is defined by our sincerity in understanding and learning from our mistakes.

By establishing boundaries with mistakes, allowing them to invoke thoughtful self-reflection without transgressing into self-degrading perceptions of our virtues, we are less likely to bargain with our past and mentally imprison ourselves by asking, “Why did I not know better?” Lifting the veil of burdening, unrealistic perfection from our minds allows us to rationalize compassionately. We can recognize that while we may strongly identify with certain principles, it is apart of our nature to contradict them, even when we do not intend to. Reframing our perspective in this way urges us to come out of inward and outward criticism, as we cease worrying about whether or not we "maximized our potential" in a moment of vulnerability. We begin to make peace with these universal truths:

We do not lose the battle against ourselves when we accept mistakes as a part of humanity. Instead, we rise victorious with sincere humility as we vow to embrace compassion during painful moments of realizing our weaknesses.

In the moments our hearts are heavy, we desire self-acceptance even when we fight against it through self-punishment. Therefore, we must exercise forgiveness to finally understand that we would never wish for our loved ones to berate themselves the way we have by continuing to wallow in our mistakes.

Erasing mistakes from the human experience only makes us half-alive, farther from being real, and the “moral” people we hope to be. Instead, embracing their existence allows us to understand the respect gained from remaining honest and self-assured in our abilities to do better, and even serve a purpose larger than saving our reputations when growing. Our questions may shift from, "How will I redeem myself in the eyes of whom I love?” to “How will I enrich the people around me and my community with what I know now?”

Through proper self-reflection, accountability without deflection, and sincere apologies, we can establish a healthy cycle of overcoming mistakes by vowing to change without committing a disservice to ourselves by remaining in a detrimental state of self-punishment. Just as we have nurtured profound acceptance and love for people despite and because of their vulnerabilities, we must believe we are worthy of the same tenderness, and will be embraced the same way. Our greatest virtues are never eradicated from our mistakes, only preserved and strengthened as we refine them, and reap the lessons our shortcomings bring us.

Mistakes; bittersweet liberation.

I douse my mind’s fire with cleansing waters,

Allowing forgiveness,

To wash away all shame.

Relieved, I will never be perfect—

Only real.

This piece is dedicated to my best friend’s father, Mr. Corey Smyth. I cherish the empowering conversations we have shared about persevering with compassion, as his wisdom has gently assured me of the rationality in self-forgiveness.